


Look for the Light

by Maejones



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, Humor, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Lightsaber Battles, Original Character(s), Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Redemption?, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Smut, a sincere effort to stick to canon, did I mention smut?, finnrose secondary relationship, liberties taken
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-02-18 05:20:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13093236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maejones/pseuds/Maejones
Summary: Not too long after the end of "The Last Jedi", our two opposing players in this saga wrestle with the aftermath of their most recent encounter. Kylo Ren is consumed in his search for Rey while she struggles to evade him.Time passes, the universe grows restless. The force is behaving in new an unexpected ways. Destiny whispers throughout the cosmos but what does that destiny mean? What destiny is in store for Rey and Kylo, separately or together? Can Kylo be redeemed? Is it possible or is Ben truly lost to the darkness? Hope seems to have fled these waters, yet hope remains. At least, a fool's hopes.....





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dietplainlite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dietplainlite/gifts), [fettuccine_alfreylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fettuccine_alfreylo/gifts).



> This might start out as a slow burn and seem to have plot, but I love setting up stakes for the characters in additional to the emotional turmoil of angst and love. Thanks for checking this out :)

Rey flexed and stretched her shoulders as the light saber's column buzzed by her ear again. She widened her stance, stepped back on the ball of her foot and rolled her wrist again. This time, the beam swooped so close to her head that she could hear the crackle of her hair as a few strands were singed off. Wisps tickled her bare shoulder as they fluttered to the ground. An unmistakable aroma of burnt locks filled her nostrils. Still, she redoubled her efforts and threw herself harder into her routine. She dared not stop. He always found her in the quiet moments.

_Ben._

His image flashed in her mind. She grunted and thrust her saber forward as if to slay the spectre of him, of that . . .  _monster._

_"I'm not a monster."_

Rey stifled a roar. She knew if she actually voiced her frustration and heartache, she might permanently injure her vocal chords. For, it wasn't Kylo Ren who appeared nor who spoke through that invisible portal that connected the pair across the expanse of time and space, it was - rather more worryingly - her own psyche's manifestation of him. She slashed wildly at the air as if cutting through layers upon layers of drapes. Over and over, the blade arced with a buzzing vibration of protest until she heard its tone deepen with an underlying strain. Out of the periphery of her vision the saber came around a final time and appeared to bend. At that very same instant, as the length of it leaned and thread-thin, parallel fractures of light sprouted along the radius of its unnatural curve, it became incredibly heavy in her hand like she was attempting to drag an oar through mud.

"Unh!" the saber wrenched from her grasp, stuck in the ethereal muck.

She fell to her knees while the weapon clattered away across the cobblestones. It skidded until it caught an edge and began to rotate like a top. With a huff, she lifted her shaking arm and flicked her fingers at it. Across the distance, she felt the energy within it fizzle and fade. Its beam snapped off and the chamber fell silent save for the wheezing from her chest. Yet, she did not wait until her heaving ceased before staggering to her feet. Winded, weary and withering, she jabbed a hand in the direction of her saber again. She heard it scrape along the floor before it smacked into her palm like the sting of a whip.

_"Keep Running,"_ Ben's mimic chided.

In her hand, the saber reacted with a jump. It was far too excited.

Rey closed quivering fingers around the unassuming black and silver weapon and sneered down at it. "Must every one of you have a personality?"

In hindsight, Maz Kanata had been full of dung, it would seem. Luke's saber hadn't been anything special and Rey knew it the first time she wielded Kylo Ren's red beast. Sabers, it turned out, were needy, manipulative, force-leeches that did not like to be left alone. The one she held at that moment had long been neglected on the shelf of a back alley arms dealer on Venutu. It too had called for her, a keening wail she had heard from the other side of the planet when they had stopped to refuel. She had gone to retrieve the pathetic thing, if only to shut it up.

Something resonated beyond her sight then, the honing of thoughts. She glanced past the device and urged her feet to move. She did not have time to contemplate the saber's strange performance.

Silence loomed.

 

* * *

 

"Supreme Leader?"

Kylo felt and heard a pop in his neck as he lifted his head. He gritted his teeth. General Hux's trod grated on his nerves, it was as if the man was always about to stumble in boots that were too heavy and too large for his feet. Kylo huffed an overly warm breath through his nostrils. All that morning he had been searching for the Scavenger, for her, for  _Rey_. He growled. The reverberations of hurried steps flitting away, a ghostly echo layered underneath every slap of Hux's soles. 

"What do you want?" Kylo hissed as he opened his eyes.

Hux's forward march slowed and he stopped short. He took only one additional, tentative step and bowed like an enfeebled old man. 

"A-A direction, sir? It has been several days-"

Kylo leaned forward and curled his fingers over the edge of his armrests. He drew his legs back and planted his feet as if to rise.

"So? It may be several more. You have your orders."

Hux dipped his head but hesitated in his retreat. "B-But surely there is something we can do in the meantime. The troops grow restless-"

Kylo opened his palm and flicked it up. Beneath his sternum he felt a the pull vacuum form and hollow him out before frustration and bitterness rushed in to collapse it. Darkness pooled and sloshed and poured over his heart. His breath hitched at the unexpectedness of a prickling chill and his shoulders drooped. He shook his head. The chills travelled outwards like the weep of glacier before he harnessed, rerouted and projected them from his hand in a jet of wrath. Hux jerked backwards and slid from Kylo's chambers as though he was being dragged away by invisible storm troopers.  

"Do not seek me here again," Kylo intoned, his voice rough, "you have your orders."

Kylo did not release Hux until he was well into the corridor beyond the chamber's threshold. With a twitch of Kylo's digits, the heavy blast doors slammed together. 

"Hu-uh," he yanked his hand back and flexed his fingers once he was alone again. 

Their tips burned as if he had dipped them in liquid nitrogen. He brought his shaking hand up to inspect it and blinked at the white, semi-translucent appearance of his flesh above the first knuckle on each finger. 

"Arg!" he exercised them vigorously until blood flowed again and they burned anew, though this time with flame-like heat.

Pain followed, a pain like he had never felt. His hand throbbed. The excruciating ache sank into each joint and traveled up his arm. He jumped to his feet and whirled around in a panic for several seconds. The tails of his robes tangled his feet. His knees wobbled. The pain was visceral, intense, blinding-

_"Benny."_

His mother's gentle prod; a memory, clear and bright as sunlight reflecting off snow. 

"No!" he grunted.

_"Benny . . .  the light. If I'm not around for some reason, look for the light. Okay, my boy?"_

A phantom set of lips brushed his forehead. He cried out as the creeping icicles lanced through his shoulder and into his pecks. Shuddering, he reached and _reached_ for the warmth, for the blister of pure, white heat and just like that, the pain subsided. He paced back and forth for several seconds. Anger welled up in him again. He thrust his hand at his lightsaber next to his throne. The stubborn device sluggishly leaped into his grasp but instead of mollifying him, it shook and hummed and . . .  _squirmed._

Kylo tightened his grip on it until it almost seemed to squeal, then flicked it on. Over and over he swung it until it relented in its resistance to him like a whipped beast. For some reason, its subjugation did not soothe him, the energy within it seemed to cower. Infuriated, he squeezed it as if willing it to defy him again. He let out a cry when its energy further retreated.

"W-We will find her," Kylo murmured breathlessly as he rubbed his thumb against its frame, "we will find her and fix this. We will find her and expunge every trace of the light within her . . . _within them all._ "

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrated in his attempts to track down Rey, Kylo sets his sights on the universe. Hux's resentment of his new Supreme Leader builds to a breaking point. Rey learns something about Leia and her destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm setting myself up for the long haul here but I have ideas....

Hux struggled to quell his impatience and the pull of his lips into a sneer as he gazed down at his boots. A light sprinkle of dust dulled the sheen of black leather patina. He rubbed his tongue against his palate and swallowed back the musty taste of sweat and toil. He shifted sideways. A faint imprint of his knobby soles marred the dirt floor beneath his feet. 

"Hmph-" he scuffed it out.

He had no desire to leave any evidence of him ever having visited this inconsequential, backwater planet. He shouldn't even be there, he grumbled to himself. He was the top General of the First Order relegated to errand boy for the most undisciplined, unhinged, unqualified-

_"Guard your thoughts!"_

Hux's head snapped up. He blinked a few times and glanced around the dim interior of the crafter's domed, stone hut. Needles prickled through his ears in micro-bursts of pain. He hissed in a breath and shook his head. A shadow temporarily blocked the pale, overcast light that seeped in through a crack in the hut's wooden shutters.

"General, are you well?" a trooper inquired in a stilted voice.

"Perfectly fine! Any report on when the Supreme Leader will arrive?" he barked. "Has his ship even departed yet?" 

Before the trooper could respond, several newly arrived troopers pushed through the frayed flaps of the hut's entry followed by none other than their new scion, Kylo Ren. Hux's spine jerked rigid as if a hammer of hydraulic fluid stiffened it. He tapped his heels together and lifted his chin. As ever, he felt the instinctual urge to flee - _or bite-_  followed by requisite loathing. Kylo's head swiveled in his direction. His eyes narrowed. After Snoke's death, their leader had abandoned his mask and cropped his hair an inch or two closer. However, his subtle change in appearance had not rendered him any less intimidating. If anything, the mild taming of his exterior made him more fearsome to behold. Gone was the temperamental flush of his youth and indecision. In its place was a tepid grey pallor of cold resignation.

_"Guard. Your. Thoughts."_

Hux dipped his head as the raspy imperative reverberated in his canals. "Supreme Leader."

Kylo grunted and set about ignoring Hux, as usual.

"Where is the crafter?" he asked no one in particular.

"Gone."

Kylo spit, or laughed, and turned a sardonic eye to Hux. He looked him up and down with naked disdain.

"Gone? And you lingered here for over an hour still?"

"You directed me to wait," Hux replied through gritted teeth.

Kylo harrumphed another short laugh. "And wait you did."

Heat, both from mortification and fury, flooded up Hux's neck. He felt it scald upwards over his cheeks and onward to the tips of his ears. His throat began to close up, but not at the behest of Kylo's force manipulations. His own foolish pride threatened to suffocate him.

"So? Well? What have you recovered?"

Hux gulped down bile and signalled over his shoulder. A storm trooper scurried up next to him with a bucket.

"Ahem, mm hmm. W-We recovered nine lightsabers. However, only two of them are somewhat functional."

Kylo threw his head back and laughed but it was devoid of humor. When he finished, he sniffed, turned and approached Hux.

"He had over a hundred here and you not only managed to botch their recovery but the apprehension of the crafter as well? Not surprising, I suppose, considering you took your time in acting on the information."

Hux inhaled a fortifying breath. "I am a general. I should not be tasked with such chores- "

Kylo's eyes flashed. "You are my general! I tasked you with this. If you find it a chore, what does that say about your regard for me?"

"N-Nothing, Supreme Leader!" Hux rushed out. "Forgive me, if I misunderstood the imperitive of your orders-"

Kylo curled his black-clad fingers into a fist. The thick material squeaked in protest.

"You are not entitled to an understanding of my commands, nor is one necessary for you to carry them out. You need only be concerned with acting upon them."

 Hux felt fury rise in him again. He itched to whip his compact blaster from its holster and strike Kylo down. His digits twitched at his side. 

_"Not now! Not now!!!"_  A voice implored.

Hux felt a tingling in his fingers and without touching his weapon, he had a complete and visceral impression of its metallic form. He flexed his hand and unexpectedly, the firearm jumped in its holster. Gripped with panic, he went to grab for it but it ripped from under his fingers and rocketed out from his cape. Next thing he knew, he heard it discharge and felt a searing burn split open the top of his scalp. He screamed and his hands flew up as his knees buckled.

"You dare!" Kylo ground out and stomped in an arc. "You dare?!"

Hux's world spun as he glimpsed up at the menacing figure of his commander. Kylo Ren had hold of his blaster. His features were a mask of savage wrath. Behind him, stormtroopers accumulated. A bright burst of red light preceded the brutal slam of another blaster shot into Hux's torso just below his ribs. The shot punched through him, blunt and scorching, like a jet of charged plasma. Pain radiated from the throbbing column in a straight cut through his body. Pulses, like miniature lightning bolts, radiated out from every direction. He felt consumed by the spread of it; his core from his groin to his chest felt as if it were dissolving into acid. Death by blaster was no mercy.

Dazed, in shock, and feeling the life ebb from him, over drifted Kylo Ren akin to a thundercloud. The dark overlord's eyes sparked and glowed a pale yellow as he hovered.

"You think-" he panted "-you think I can be cut down by a soulless blaster? Did the reasoning behind my collection of sabers never occur to you?"

"S-S-Supreme Leader," Hux croaked, "please-"

Kylo's brow furrowed as a bead of sweat trickled over it. He wagged his head slowly and regained his breath. His voice was rough when he spoke but its edge softened.

"Sh, sh-" he crouched down and continued in a deadly low tone "-have some dignity. Sometimes we have to live with our mistakes  _or_  -" he leaned a bit closer, his lips twitched "-die with them."

"Please-"

But Kylo had already risen. Hux flopped to his side. His vision blurred. He gasped for breath. A stormtrooper stepped forward as Kylo stalked away.

"Sir! What do we do with the General?"

Kylo's head half-turned but he didn't bother peering back at Hux.

"Leave him."

 

* * *

 

Rey paused under the archway that led into the courtyard where General Leia Organa meditated in the warm rays of Goja's twin suns. Rey drew in a deep breath and allowed her vision to relax. The visage of the General seated at peace schismed, split and blurred before the resplendent lavender ghost of her form superimposed itself on the scene. A tear slipped down Rey's cheek. The aura of Leia's force was one of the most pure and beguiling visions one could behold. It was a kind of white-blue at her center and gradually transitioned to darker shades of purple towards her perimeter. Her outline glinted and sparkled like the refraction of light through a prism with every breath she took. Rey wanted to drown in her light.

_Thump, thump._

Rey felt a mass form in her throat as Leia's heartbeat resounded in her ears.

_Thump, thump._

She could feel the beats then in her own chest.

_Thump, thump. Thu-ump._

Inexplicably, the last heartbeat almost thudded to a stop. Leia's aura flickered. Rey shook her head and rushed to the General's side. She clutched her hand and plunked down on the stone bench at her side.

"General-?"

Leia's face contorted in a wince. She coughed.

"Rey," she wheezed, "didn't anyone ever tell you . . . that it is rude . . . to ogle another person's force?"

Rey's face flamed. "I'm sorry . . . erm, yeah, sorry. Yours is just . . . I've never seen anything like it. There isn't a star in all the galaxy a-as luminous."

General Leia chuckled and squeezed her hand. Rey frowned down at the icy feel of her fingers. 

"General-"

"Leia," she sighed, her lids fluttered open, "I would prefer to be called Leia from now on. Tell the others that, would you?"

Rey's chest heaved with a sob. Her eyes stung. She shook her head and rubbed a thumb against the back of her mentor's hand.

"Oh," she cried, "oh, please not you too. Please!"

Leia laughed. "Relax, kiddo. I'm not going anywhere just yet."

Rey's face twisted as she fought to contain her misery. "B-But you will."

Leia tugged the lapels of her dove-grey robes as if to ward off a chill. "We all will eventually."

Rey smeared away another tear with the heel of her palm. "Stop that. Stop being cagey. I meant,  _soon_. H-How long . . . before y-you go?"

"Soon."

"Arg!" Rey wiped a hand down her face and under her nose.

Leia started laughing again. "Oh, lighten up, my girl. I can't tell tell you exactly when because I do not know for certain. It's just . . . soon."

Rey's lip quivered. She sputtered a curse and glanced away. Everything affected her more acutely since her encounter with Ben. Emotions, sensitivity, touch -  it was all heightened. She swallowed her misery and turned her attention to Leia once more.

"Why now? I don't understand. You aren't that old at all."

Leia smiled and pushed a wayward strand back from Rey's face. She patted her cheek.

"You are a darling," she said with a grin. "Hmm."

For several seconds the older woman appeared to float away, carried by a gentle stream of thought. Her smile grew wistful. Light danced in her eyes. The braid along her crown shone. Rey heard distant drums and the whistling of crude flutes playing a merry tune. In her mind's eye, campfires gyrated like revelers. Unadulterated joy and jubilation surrounded them and dried her tears.

"Luke and I were two parts of a whole," Leia murmured, "We were twins, you see. Our souls were formed together and now mine longs to join his on that plane. Yeah, that, and the force also calls me back."

She stretched her back and rolled her shoulders before her eyes snapped back to Rey's. She wagged her brows in amusement.

"It has plans, apparently."

Rey nodded absentmindedly as she absorbed her words. 

_"Two parts of a whole..."_

Something quivered deep within her abdomen. Leia squeezed her hand again. Rey let out a relieved sigh. Leia's fingers had finally grown warmer.

"It has plans for you too, my girl," she said softly.

Rey's heart skipped a beat. "What? What plans?"

Leia's brows arched. Her lips turned down and she lifted her shoulders noncommittally. 

"Eh, eh-mm-enh," she lilted wishy-washily, "plans."

Rey's nose wrinked. Her lips pursed.

"Soon?" she asked dryly.

The radiant rebel leader grinned. "Heh, heh, soon. That's right. Now you're catching on."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evading Ben proves harder than Rey imagined and they finally have an encounter, of a sorts. Rey is called upon for help. We look in on another pair with their own unresolved issues.

Awareness of confinement crept over Rey's form. She gazed around but everything was murky as if she was trying to peer through fog at dusk. 

"Huh!" she raised her hands and encountered an obstruction. "What?"

She flattened her palms and pushed. Glass. 

"Unh! What?"

Her fingers mapped the smooth surface only inches from her face until it probed edges. Her breaths reflected back at her and echoed loudly in her ears. She kicked her foot forward, stubbing her toe and bumping her knee in the process, and suddenly understood she was upright in a box of some sort. Her breath caught. A casket? Lights flared and blinded her for a few moments. She blinked away stars. 

"Oh, mmph! What is this? Where-?"

She jumped when a pale face and a mass of wavy locks moved to fill her field of vision. 

"Aah!" she curled her fingers against the thin barrier separating them. "You!'

_Ben._

She slammed the side of her fist on the lens. He didn't immediately speak. He just hovered there, his expression impassive even as a froth of emotions seemed to bubble beneath his flesh in the way his lips quivered and a muscle flecked in his jaw. As ever, he sort of stole her breath with his unconventional and unsettling beauty. Only, she noted with a shiver up her spine, he wasn't entirely the same man she had fought along side of what felt like a lifetime ago; his skin lacked lustre, his voluminous hair was slightly trimmed. She gulped and began to rail against her prison (as well as her body's reflexive and frustratingly treasonous reaction to him). As she fought, she realized she was back in the pod, redelivered to him like a shipment of illicit goods. Only this time, the pounding organ in her chest wasn't brimming with optimistic hope, it convulsed like an injured bird desperately trying to flap to freedom. Ben's lips plumped and moved but his words were muffled by her frantic thrashing.

"Stop," he mouthed and drubbed the glass with his index finger.

"Nnnyaaaahhhh!" she cried incoherently.

"Stop," his voice droned through the window, "stop running from me-"

"No!"

His lips set in a line. He loomed closer. She whacked her head back against the pod and tried to melt away from him. She could feel him, every inch of his ridiculously large silhouette seemed to impress upon her as if projected right through the pod. Her heart stopped fluttering and started squawking like a hungry porg. She grunted and gritted her teeth against the onslaught of sensation. Her flight reaction transformed into something else, something just as raw and primitive but infinitely more  . . .  _needy_. She groaned. Her limbs flooded with heat and breaths poured hot and nearly liquid from between her lips. She was on fire,  _everywhere_. Ben's lid twitched in confusion before his orbs rounded behind the glass. He gave his head a shake.

"Don't . . . s-stop," he mumbled as he stepped back, she could barely hear him but his voice rose in a kind of panic. "Extinguish it. Purge it. I don't want it in my head!"

"I can't," she panted.

A sensory overload swamped her mind as she was gripped by premonitions. Flesh, warmth, moisture, movement and worst of all - visceralsounds assailed her; cries and pleading swirled around her head in a deafening crescendo. Deep in her belly, she felt a rush and then a gathering. Ben teetered back and bent over as if afflicted. He threw up his hand and wielded force to freeze her limbs. With a twist of his wrist, Rey felt a lurch in her gut and hurtled away from him past stars, through planets and galaxies until she slammed into her bed. She kicked her limbs and fought with her blanket as the vision of him faded and she found herself in the dark listening to a crackling hum.

"Hu-uh!" She punched at the heavy linens but they rolled over her like crashing waves. 

For a moment, she felt as if she were being suffocated but eventually managed to flip the covers off. When she sat up, she discovered she was in her small room at the base on Goja and most likely had never physically left. She pushed her hair back from her sweaty brow and glanced over to the pale yellow glow of her adopted lightsaber. Somehow, it had turned itself on.

"Mmph!'

The irony was not lost on her. With a huff, she rose from her cot and padded towards the weapon. As she approached, its intensity increased and its column started fitzing and popping. 

"Enough," she hissed but it vibrated on the wooden stand.

"Enough!" She grabbed it.

The saber glowed white hot for a second then blinked off. She remained there for several moments even as her legs threatened to give out.

"You disgust me!" she shouted hoarsely.

An invective meant for Ben yet, she knew he could not hear it. He had closed himself off. Even so, she could still feel him as acutely as if a solar flare had etched his outline into her flesh. She pushed out, determined to lambast him for his predatory intrusion on her slumber. However, he resisted. In his place, she could only find a spiraling void echoing faintly with howls of indignation. Finally, her constitution wavered and she stumbled back to her cot. She collapsed on the thin mattress, dropped the saber next to her feet and buried her face in her hands. She was beyond confused. As her connection to Ben and the force grew stronger, she felt increasingly unhinged. The force itself seemed agitated, which did not help. Though, she was uncertain if it actually was or if she was just . . .

_Weak._

Her lower lip trembled.

Rather than feel empowered, the more familiar with the force she became, the more she wondered if she was capable of exerting any real control over its awesome might. Sometimes, she worried she was less of a conduit and more of a fuse, that at any moment the energy she sought to utilize might burn her up. She bit down hard on her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. 

_"Fear, self-doubt, indecision . . . all paths to the dark side."_

She couldn't recall exactly when Luke made the utterance but he had, at some point, and right then it felt less like advice and more like an admonition. She wondered anew if he had been reticent to train her because he worried she didn't have the will nor self-discipline to be a proper Jedi.  Perhaps to him, her force sensitivity had been something more akin to an ignorant little girl with a flamethrower.

"EEEEEEEeeeeeee."

Rey glanced down to her whining lightsaber. 

"Cut it out."

Still, it whined like one of the thousands of vibrating screws in the dash of the Millennium Falcon when it flew at lightspeed. She reached towards the weapon. Her fingers hovered over it. If nothing else, she should be able to control this infuriating device, she grumbled silently. She steadied herself with a breath, cleared her mind and focused on quieting the saber. Just as her fingers made contact, she had a vision. 

She saw someone old . . . ancient even. Small. Frightened. Afraid for his dependents. He sensed Rey and whirled. His anxiety slammed into her from afar.

"Find us . . . before _he_  does."

 

* * *

 

Rose heard a light rapping at the entry to her infirmary room. She laid there a moment. She knew it was Finn without turning over. Part of her was excited and part of her terrified. Apparently, he had come to see her every day since she saved his life; at least, that is what she had heard gossiped by the nurses. Instinctively, she knew it was true. His presence had haunted her comatose dreams. 

"Rose?" his voice was soft.

She blinked wide-eyed at the wall and tapped her teeth together as her skin tightened up the back of her neck and over her scalp. Her lips moved in silent practice of a breezy greeting. 

_"Oh, hey, dude . . ."_

_"Hi, Phil! Ha, ha, sorry. Finn, right?"_

_"Good to see you, my friend. Viva le force, amirite?"_

She bit her knuckle and snorted. Then, realizing he would hear that, she attempted to cover it with a forced bout of coughing.

"Rose?" he ventured again. "Are you awake?"

She scrunched her nose. What was he trying to do, talking to her like that? Melt butter? Ass! Finally, Rose moaned and rolled over. She clenched her teeth at the sharp stab of pain in her abdomen. In her crash with Finn, she had suffered multiple internal injuries including a severe liver laceration. Normally, it would not take so long to heal but the Resistance's reserves were depleted, their financials in dire straights and they had no doctors familiar with human anatomy. Thus, her care was pretty rudimentary. She was essentially healing on her own. 

It sucked.

But her self-pity was forgotten the moment she saw Finn. Her heart skipped a beat, tumbled, skipped another beat and took off running. Blood whooshed in her ears. He was just so damn handsome. Her eyes slid over the arch of his brows, his dewy skin and the curve of his cheek and lips before she was ensnared by his penetrating gaze. Friendly, charming, seemingly easy-going Finn could pierce one's soul with much more intensity than they might expect. 

"Heh, how's it up?" she blubbered with a tongue that had inexplicably swelled.

His mouth tweaked up at the corner. "May I come in?"

Rose nodded as her face burned tortuously hot. Finn strolled directly to her bed and sat down. It dipped and creaked under his weight. Her breath hitched as his worn leather jacket brushed her forearm. Her eyes flicked to his thigh and the pull of fabric over its muscular outline. She stared at it a moment with eyes too large for her face.

_"Bad Rose!"_

She shuffled into a sitting position with a wince and smoothed a hand over her hair. She was never one to fret over her appearance and experienced a deep clap of shame for worrying about something so trivial. Vanity was a luxury that a person could ill afford in the fight for freedom. 

"You look good," Finn murmured then cleared his throat with a shift of his eyes. "I mean, you look  _well_. I'm glad you're awake."

She nodded again. Her tongue continued to feel thick and uncooperative. 

"I'm happy, mm a-ahem! Happy you are alright," she eventually croaked out.

Finn's gaze softened. His chin dipped and he looked out from under his brows. 

"Thanks to you."

She inhaled a shuddering breath. "You aren't mad?"

He looked at his lap a moment. His lips turned down in thought but he quickly shook his head.

"Nope. I mean it. Thank-you for saving my life."

Rose's heart pattered a funny little celebration. "You're welcome."

An awkward silence followed. She chewed her lip. She wanted to say more but her mind drew a blank. Finn sighed and tapped his fingers on his thigh as he too appeared to search for words. After a few seconds, he puffed out a stream of air and stood up.

"Well, okay, I just wanted to say that and okay, ah, I will let you rest."

Rose rubbed her lips together. "Okay."

"Okay."

Finn nodded once and spun to leave but took only a half-step before he whirled back.

"I-ah- I'm going away for a bit, not sure how long. Is that okay?" He seemed to grimace at his repetitive use of 'okay'.

Rose experienced a sudden falling sensation in her stomach. She pulled her covers up anxiously. Her lids blinked rapidly and uncontrollably. 

"If you have to go somewhere, you have to go," she rasped, "don't know why you need my permission."

His fingers danced at his side. He shrugged with a quick jerk of his shoulders and peered around.

"I just thought you might be upset seeing as you just woke up. I didn't want you to worry. Also, I'm going with Rey."

Rose shrank down in her bed. The floor fell out from underneath her and she dangled on a precipice of emotional turmoil. Her heart slowed and thudded through its next beats. Rey? Rose knew the two of them shared a special relationship and it was no secret that Finn absolutely adored the woman. Rose gulped down a mass in her throat. She didn't know Rey at all except that she had a sunny, warm smile, radiated kindness and was some sort of chosen one that Rose could never hope to compete with- 

"Is that, um, o-okay?" Finn repeated.

Rose felt a burst of fury in her chest as she remembered who she was - a Tico. Ticos didn't get all squishy over anything (never mind the soft spots on her heart that were already turning brown). They were independent, fierce and fearless. They faced down dreadnaughts and took them out.  

"Like I said, I don't know why it matters if I condone your adventure-"

A furrow of confusion set in Finn's brow. He opened his mouth and closed it again. He began to talk with his hands before he spoke again.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings."

Rose crossed her arms. "Wh-Why would you?"

He shook his hands at her. "Because . . . because you said you loved me."

She tightened her arms over her midsection and bit the inside of her lip. A fuzzy memory of a confession and a quick kiss flitted through her mind. She shrugged emphatically as warmth infused her cheeks. Pride had already raised her hackles. She would never in a million years suffer the mortification of letting Finn think she pined for him while he was with someone else

"I-I don't know what I said. Pfft, I was bleeding internally. I had a head injury. So . . ." 

Rose grunted, flopped away from him and brought her knees up. Excruciating pain reverberated through her insides and stole her breath. Moisture -  _not tears!_ \- leaked from both eyes. Even if she was crying, she contended, it was due to a physical throb. She was a Tico!

"So, you don't care if I go away?" he asked in a tremulous tone.

Rose curled into a ball and dismissed the injured tone of his voice as the product of her over-active, wishful imagination.  "I don't. Have a great time." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I write this story, I am really just going where the characters seem to take me as well as delve into the future where I think this story might go. There are so many unanswered questions from TLJ.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey prepares to make a voyage. Finn makes a choice. Poe shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More plot but I swear the next chapter has a long anticipated reunion between Rey and Kylo. I just have to set a few things in place first in terms of story.....
> 
> (the real question is, how will a certain wayward son react to Rey hanging out with the Resistance's best pilot???)

 

 

 

Rey knew something was wrong the moment she spied Finn across the base's hangar. His bearing was that of a man suffering from dejection. His backpack pulled heavily on his shoulder and the tongues of his boots flapped above untied laces. She skipped over to where he stared up at the Millennium Falcon with eyes a little too wide and lips slack.

"Hey!"

Finn's head rotated slowly; He started bobbing it. Rey winced at the melancholy hue of his force presence, a shade of muted grey. 

"Hey," he murmured.

"You okay?" 

His head continued to bob jauntily, his shoulders jerked in an awkward shrug and he tugged his backpack up.. 

"Yeah, yeah, we ready to go?"

She studied him for a moment. Her head tilted sideways in thought. Finn seemed to notice her scrutiny and frowned.

"H-Hey, don't like, force-read my mind, alright?" he warned with a wave of his free hand.

Rey poked her lips sideways. "Erm, that's not how . . . um, anyway, I don't need to read your mind to know something is wrong."

Finn rubbed his hand over his head and sighed. "Sorry, Rey, sorry."

He glanced back up at the ship with a grimace. He cricked his neck sideways and fidgeted with a loose strap on his pack. It was painfully apparent that he was wrestling with something and it didn't take more than a few more seconds for Rey to guess what it might be.

"You don't want to come with me," she observed.

Finn's head went back and forth but not really in a shake, it was a rather noncommittal wag. Guilt caused Rey's stomach to churn. Something had definitely happened between when she had requested his hep and that moment.

"Finn, y-you don't have to come with me. I have Chewie. We'll be fine."

His hands went behind his neck and he began to massage his own nape. He hung his head for a moment.

"No, Rey, I said I would come with you and I will."

Rey saw a shimmer and then the ripple of an almost translucent sheet wave between them. Finn's appearance kind of ghosted and split. It was a brief and relatively insubstantial but his apparitions headed in separate directions. One Finn went towards the ship and the other returned from where he had come. When she looked between the two again, she noticed a shadow followed him in his ship-ward trajectory while his latter path seemed bathed in a warm glow. The dark and the light, she ruminated. A shiver climbed her spine akin to a block of ice suffering a creeping fracture. Darkness. _With her._  

"Stay," she whispered with a scratchy throat.

He looked up, stunned for a moment. "No-"

She pressed a hand to his upper arm, then squeezed. Even though the hangar around them buzzed with activity, she found herself in a bubble with him. 

"I-I have my own regrets to deal with," she murmured, "I don't think I can handle yours."

Finn's eyes filmed with a sheen of moisture. His voice ascended in disappointment.

"I just got you back. Do you have to go?"

Rey nodded sadly. At her back she heard a clunk, a grunt and Chewbacca's familiar call from the hatch of the Falcon.

"Waaahn. Waaaahhn, waahn!"

She peered over at her hairy co-pilot. He called again and gestured emphatically. 

"I know, I know!" She yelled in response.

She turned to face Finn. Her nose wrinkled and she squinted. Her expression always contorted uncomfortably when she suffered doubt.

"I'll just be a couple days. It's no time at all."

He wagged his head. "That's why I should just come."

Her hand migrated to his shoulder. He barely moved when she shook it. In the brief time they had been separated, Finn had grown more solid, more grounded. 

"No, now I rescind my request. You need to stay here."

"Rey-"

She gulped back a lump. "F-Finn, please, what does your heart tell you?"

 

* * *

 

_"Stupid, stupid, Rose!"_ Rose Tico silently berated herself.

After Finn had fled, her better sense had reemerged and she decided to apologize. Even though every step had been excruciating, she had hobbled through the base to find him. At that juncture, however, she wished she had stayed in bed or maybe, died already. Why was life so cruel, she wondered?

Rose leaned heavily on her crutches at the unfolding scene. Her heart had stopped sometime after entering the hangar and refused to renew beating. A lungful of air burned in her chest. Still, she could not look away. It was as if she was enraptured by the carnage of a speeder pile-up. 

"I love you, Rey," Finn rasped, his voice laden with emotion.

Rey's lip trembled. A tear rolled down her cheek before she threw her arms around Finn and hugged him.

"I love you too," she responded.

Finn slung his bag off his shoulder and returned her embrace.

Rose's knees wobbled at the sight. As her weight shifted, one of her crutches skidded and squeaked against the polished concrete floor. Inexplicably, it was the loudest screech she had ever heard from an inanimate object. Both Rey and Finn glanced over at her and she was hit with a wave of nausea. Her injuries weren't going to kill her, she lamented, she was going to be done in by a throbbing mixture of raw disappointment and humiliation. 

"Rose!" Finn sprang away from Rey.

Rose fumbled with her crutches and desperately tried to escape but she might as well have been slogging through molasses. A searing spear of pain made her gasp for air. She slapped a hand to her chest. One of the crutches banged to the floor. Nausea assailed her again and she felt her entire axis tilt. She braced herself for impact but was caught up in a pair of  leather-clad, iron forearms. 

"Rose? Are you crazy?" Finn panted. "What are you doing out of bed?"

He didn't wait for her to respond. Instead, he hoisted her up in his arms. Even as her insides screamed, she caught a whiff of clean soap and fresh linens and an underlying crispness of exotic greenery. He smelled like a dream, nay -a fantasy. She cursed his existence. 

"Put me down," she groaned even as her head lolled against his shoulder and she closed her eyes.

"Uh-huh," he murmured, "right. I'm sure lying on the hangar floor is exactly what the doctor ordered."

"The doctor . . . is . . . a Yugulli . . . crackpot," she wheezed. "He told me . . . to take a . . . Virovian worm bath and ingest . . . Pycas leaves."

Finn snorted a laugh and cradled her closer. While she was not the tallest Rebel, Rose had never felt small and fragile until that moment. It was both exciting and deeply irritating. 

"Finn," Rey interjected, but her voice sounded far away and muted, "she's not well, worse than she appears even. You had better get her back to the infirmary."

Rose tried to open her eyes but they were strangely heavy.

"Nah, go . . . with . . . Rey," she mumbled, "it's what you want . . ."

But Rose never heard a response, the darkness had already made its claim.

 

* * *

 

Some time later, Rey circled behind the rear of the Falcon and peered up at the exhaust ports. She had already gone around the ship twice but had been too distracted to properly assess its flight readiness. Thoughts of Finn and Rose and Ben swirled in her brain. She inhaled a shaky breath. She did love Finn and part of her wished that she could be Rose Tico, that she could have romantic feelings for Finn and vice versa. Finn was exactly the kind of obstinately good person she should want to be with, yet her thoughts always, always strayed back to Ben. 

"Oh, to hell with it!" she cried.

She jabbed towards the Falcon (a habit she had yet to break) and then reached out with her mind. She had a mission and couldn't afford to indulge in self-pity. She closed her eyes and let the force flow (except for the pernicious well of darkness that pooled at one corner of her psyche, that she capped and ignored). She visualized the Falcon. Several times the aura of the ship pulsed and memories (not hers) flew from it like wayward blaster shots. She tucked in a lip and chewed it anxiously.

"This is not what I want," she muttered as she was beset by visions of Han and Leia and Luke.

She forced the images to fold in on themselves and collapse. As if perturbed, something within the ship pushed back and new visions were shed. People and beings she did not recognize traipsed through her mind. She corralled these as well, as many of them as she could, until a rumble developed beneath her feet. 

"You will behave!" she warned.

She swallowed. She was not entirely sure who or what she addressed. The Falcon itself? Its energy was reminiscent of the spark she felt within her saber. Finally, she had a clear view of the ship's health - intact at its core and only plagued with minor issues. She was about to relinquish her hold when suddenly, a blinding, bright white light entered her field of vision. She expelled a hissing breath as she opened her eyes. To her surprise, the Falcon hovered in front of her but then slammed down to the hangar floor with a great, reverberating boom. She expunged a heavy breath. From within the belly of the Falcon, she heard Chewie wail.

"Yeesh, the force is strong with you!"

Her eyes darted to the male who had just invaded her orbit, none other than ace Fly-boy, Poe Dameron. He was dressed casually in a dark brown jacket, cream shirt and olive cargo pants. Oddly, he carried a small duffel bag. Her shoulders stiffened.

"Ah, h-hello," she mumbled.

He nodded but made a face.

"Hmm, kinda cheating, aren't you?" he gestured with his chin at the ship.

Rey raised her brows. "Excuse me?"

"Your pre-flight checks. Using your Jedi magic. That's kind of cheating, isn't it?"

She blinked through a frown at him. "It's efficient a-and effective."

His eyes grew large and he gave her a tight smile.

"Oh, yeah, what did you determine?" he asked pointedly.

Rey's hackles raised. She blew a hair from out of her face.

"It's good to go," she quipped, "not without a few bugs, yeah, but ready to fly."

Poe's lips turned down. His gaze scanned back and forth over the hull. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he appeared to notice something. He dropped his bag and stepped closer to the ship.

"You sure?"

Rey glowered at the area that had caught his attention. She huffed an annoyed breath through her nose. 

"I'm sure-"

But Poe was already pointing at a hairline crack in a panel near the rear engine cowls. "That panel needs to be replaced."

She jammed her hands on her hips. "There are minor cracks all over this hull-"

"Uh-huh-" he was already dragging a set of rolling stairs towards the ship "-but this one is not minor."

Rey's irritation bubbled. She had been told all about what had transpired during the Resistance's most recent escape from the First Order and it did not paint Poe in the best light. Many thought his arrogance and contempt had led to unnecessary casualties. She had reserved judgement because she did not know him, but right then, she was inclined to agree with his detractors.

Their eyes met again. He squinted and shook his head from atop the stairs' platform.

"What? You don't think I know what I'm talking about?"

She crossed her arms and shrugged. He barked a laugh and appeared bewildered for a tick, raked fingers through his hair and muttered something to himself.

"This crack," he tapped the panel, "cuts right across the most important rivet holding this panel in place. A fracture like this develops under stress. I.e., during the flex of a ship as it transitions to hyperspeed. I think you have one, maybe two more jumps before the entire panel sheers off. If that happens, it exposes one of the drive's propagation shunts. I don't think I need to explain what happens if one of those loses its shielding, mm?"

Rey's skin crawled as she absorbed his assessment. If that happened, it would be a catastrophic failure; it would mean instant obliteration. She touched a shaking hand to her brow. Why hadn't she seen the potential of such an occurrence? Poe trundled down the steps while she ruminated.

"Look, Rey," he murmured, "I'm not trying to be a know-it-all. I don't know much about the force or what you saw but . . . you're young, and that's not meant to be an insult. What I've seen you do is amazing, truly, but no sense is infallible, even one as powerful as yours. I-" his voice vibrated, "I had to learn the hard way about the limitations of my own perspective."

She swallowed and nodded. She studied the crack. Everything he said was perfectly logical and quite correct, as it turned out. When she explored the area again with her mind, the force-hue of the panel uniquely glowed like molten rock among the rest of the panels. Still, she was at a loss to explain her lapse. What had she done wrong?

"Don't beat yourself up, Rey. Maybe you asked the wrong question," Poe said absentmindedly as if reading her thoughts. "Here, I know you're in a rush to be off. Let's replace that panel, hmm?"

Rey looked down at where he had dropped his bag. "You sure you don't have somewhere to be?"

He smiled. "I'm where I need to be."

She sighed. "Finn asked you to go with me, didn't he?"

Poe looked down and then back up sheepishly. "Not exactly. He was distressed about not being able to go himself so I offered to take his place. Of course, the moment I did that, it became a blood promise to protect you from any and all harm. He made me swear on my life, ha ha. We're not going anywhere dangerous are we?"

Rey made a face. "Dandor."

Poe whooshed a breath. "Oh, hell."


End file.
